Recover Your Life
by Ailefo
Summary: "The rules and structure bound and stabilized him. But this boy that had come dancing into his life had broken his restraints. He'd lost his careful control." How Blaine tries to control his life. Rated for ED triggers and graphic scenes to come.DISCONT
1. Too close

**Disclaimer: (this is the only one you're getting) It's FANfiction. I am a FAN. If I owned glee, this would be happening on the show and not on this site. Thank you. :P**

**WARNING****: This story contains triggers for Eating Disorders. Also, mild tip-sharing in this chapter.**

* * *

That was the last time he would say that to anyone. Yes, he had been asked, but honestly what kind of person knows an almost fail-safe way to induce vomiting? It had been too close. If he were ever asked again, he'd say ipecac. That's what everyone said. That or shove a finger down your throat.

Everyone knows those methods, after all.

How many people know to drink warm salt water?

….. Not many.

After getting many worried glances from a few fellow Warblers, Blaine felt his heart rate skyrocket. Outwardly, he remained perfectly calm, even managing a small, sardonic smile. "My sister happens to be premed and decided to research alternatives for ipecac," he informed them.

Blaine noticed Wes's eyebrows draw together just slightly before he nodded and passed the information on to his girlfriend, who evidently had just found out the child she was baby sitting had swallowed a handful of pills thinking they were candy. Over the small speaker, Blaine could hear Jessica practically shrieking her thanks.

Several of the Warblers congratulated Blaine on having saved the day, yet again. Kurt even gave him his signature half smile. "You're just everyone's hero aren't you, Blaine?"

He couldn't help one corner of his mouth twitching at the comment. "Everyone's a hero in their own right," he replied smoothly before gesturing toward the door with his thumb. "Wanna grab dinner before cramming for that chem test?"

The smile that lighted on Kurt's face could power all of Ohio. "Sure!" he nearly squeaked out. Blushing, he cleared his throat and ducked his head. "Sounds good."

The pair made their way to the cafeteria, chatting amiably about Warblers and the classes they'd had that day. Blaine glanced through the choices once they'd reached the food line. Pasta and rice seemed to be the favorite ingredients for tonight, much to the lead singer's dismay. They both felt so weird coming back up, no matter how lubricated. He finally settled on spaghetti with marinara sauce and meatballs. He could practically smell the fat molecules from the ground beef.

After grabbing a diet coke and filling a rather large glass with water, Blaine paid for his food and let his eyes roam Kurt's plate. A salad with Italian dressing in a cup on the side and a bottled water. "You have absolutely no protein on your plate, Hummel," Blaine chastised as they settled at a small table toward the back corner of the eatery.

The countertenor quirked an eyebrow. "The only meat up there was those meatballs. You may be fine with ingesting ground muscle from an overfed cow, but I'll stick to greens."

Blaine leaned onto his elbows, chuckling. "Come on. If you don't have any protein, you're just going to be hungry in a few hours." He prodded one of the meatballs to the edge of his plate. "Eat it." Though technically a command, it came out more as a suggestion.

Kurt pointedly stabbed a piece of lettuce onto the end of his fork, glasz eyes never leaving Blaine's face. He'd adopted what Blaine had dubbed the "bitch please" face. Blaine chuckled and pierced a meatball before raising his fork to Kurt's mouth. "I am not going to eat that cow sphere," he deadpanned.

"Why not?"

"Because it's disgusting."

"You need protein."

"I'll get a turkey sandwich or something."

"You know you've totally ruined my _Lady and the Tramp_ moment."

Kurt opened his mouth to retort, but no sound came out as realization seemed to dawn on him. "…..Wh-what?"

A triumphant smirk tugged at the older boy's lips. "I have rendered the great Kurt Hummel speechless," Blaine said. "Mark this day in history."

A stream of sputtering half-words came out of Kurt's mouth before the pale boy's face set into an incredulous gape. "Did you seriously buy spaghetti to try to feed me a meatball like in _Lady and the Tramp_?" A warm pink spread over the porcelain boy's face as he asked.

Blaine glanced down at his food, chuckling. "Well that's not _why_ I bought it, but it was a deciding factor," he responded. "Now are you going to eat it or not?" His hazel eyes flashed sweetly. "I didn't roll it with my nose, so it's perfectly sanitary."

For lack of anything else to do, Kurt leaned forward, mouth opening a bit. Blaine grinned and brought the meat slowly to the other boy's mouth, watching as it pressed against his soft lips. The countertenor's tongue darted out, tasting the marina sauce, before his lips wrapped around it. Blaine bit his lip in order to keep from moaning as he thought of those lips being put to better use.

There was an electric silence as Kurt chewed and swallowed. Both boys looked into the other's face, feeling the tension building. "Do you enjoy making people swoon?" Kurt whispered breathlessly. At this, Blaine drew his eyebrows together. He hadn't meant to make Kurt uncomfortable or make him swoon. In fact, he hadn't noticed: he'd been too bust trying not to jump the poor boy. "I mean – I can only imagine that since you do this with your friends that your boyfriend must spend have his time swooning." Kurt's ears flushed as he rambled.

Blaine laughed. "I'd be honoured if he did." His eyes fell back to his untouched pasta. "But seeing as he doesn't exist, I'm fairly sure he doesn't."

"Oh. I'm… so sorry. I just assumed that you'd have a boyfriend."

The soloist felt his stomach clench and the air dissolve in his lungs. He wished he had a boyfriend, as pathetic as that sounded. Blaine couldn't shake the thought as he and Kurt finished eating and returned to their respective dorms.

* * *

He'd had a few boyfriends in the past, but they hadn't really meant anything. At least not to them. Each time, he'd been absolutely sure that he was in love. And each time, he'd had his heart broken to realize that the boy didn't love him back.

Hazel eyes strayed to the dresser where he'd hidden a container of salt

This had all started during his first relationship, in eighth grade. Clarissa was stressing about the MCAT, and his entire family was focused on helping her as much as possible. Andrew was still in the closet and wouldn't let Blaine hold his hand or even hug him in public.

And he'd come out.

His parents were less than pleased, but tolerated it. They did not, however, do anything to prevent the bullying. _"Suck it up, Blaine." "You brought this on yourself." "What else are they going to do?"_ Now that he was out and not just effeminate, the bullying got so much worse. It got to the point where he felt he had no control over any aspect of his life.

Just like now. He still didn't have control. Not really. He'd thrown himself into his studies the moment he'd come to Dalton. And when he joined the Warblers, he did the same with the music. There were set rules that had to be followed, and he'd been given the playbook. He could sing and he could ace his classes. The rules and structure bound and stabilized him. But this boy that had come dancing into his life had broken his restraints. He'd lost his careful control.

Blaine's fingers danced frantically over his desk, staccato beats echoing through the silence of the room. His heart raced as his right hand went to cradle his stomach. He could feel the noodles from dinner sitting there. Quickly, he down the diet coke he hadn't drunk earlier, then grabbed a glass and the salt container and headed into his bathroom.

* * *

**A/N: www . recoveryourlife . com**

**Yes, this is going to be an angst-fest for a bit. My apologies. But what seems well is not always so. I'd like to think that's true with Blaine. I want there to be a deeper story to him.**


	2. Suspicious

**WARNING: **Potential ED triggers.

* * *

As Kurt hugged Blaine goodnight, he couldn't help but notice how small the older boy was. Granted, they'd only hugged a few times and it was hard to tell a person's body shape under the Dalton blazer, but this was a very distinct kind of thin. Frankly, a _Cheerios_ kind of thin.

His hand hovered over his phone, debating if he should text Blaine and ask about it. '_No. We eat together all the time,'_ he reminded himself. '_We _just_ had dinner…. He ate a plate of pasta!'_

Kurt felt a small smile pull at his mouth as he remembered the first time they had gone to lunch together.

* * *

The warm hand rubbing circles on his back soothed him, almost to the point of forgetting his embarrassing confession to a boy he had only just met. _Almost_. The sound of the other's voice broke him from his reverie. "C'mon. I'll buy you lunch." He patted Kurt's back as he stood. He waited for the slightly taller boy to stand before heading down the stairs to the cafeteria.

Kurt gripped the strap of his messenger bag, eyes roaming the other boy's back appreciatively. A blush crept up his neck and he quickly took a few large steps to lead the way to the cafeteria. "Sorry he shoved you like that." he mumbled. "I can get you an icepack? It'll be less likely to swell if you alternate ice and heat for a while."

Blaine pressed a warm hand on his shoulder. "No worries."

"I just don't want the Warblers after me for letting their lead get hurt." The countertenor managed a weak smile.

The other stopped and grabbed hold of his shoulder to swing him around. Blaine's face was set into a soft, but firm smile. "Kurt, don't worry about it. I knew that there was a possibility of getting hurt when I agreed to come." He gave Kurt's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Now stop worrying about it, okay?" His head tilted forward in askance, causing his eyes to catch the light and flash.

Kurt felt himself nodding. He looked down to his feet, suppressing a grin. "Thank you again fro coming. Would you like me to get you an icepack?" he offered again?

The darker boy's eyes crinkled as he let out a gentle chuckle. "No, I'm alright." They had started walking again. Both reached for the door to the cafeteria at the same time. Kurt hesitated which gave Blaine the chance to dip ahead and hold the door open for the younger boy. "Too bad you have class right after lunch, otherwise I'd have taken you somewhere better." He gave one of his dazzling smiles that made Kurt's heart go weak. Blaine would have taken him somewhere? "But it wouldn't do to have us both skip school."

As Blaine hurried to get trays for both of them, the full effect of the situation hit Kurt. Blaine had skipped school and driven two hours to confront Kurt's bully. To help a pathetic boy who he'd only met a few days ago, who had cried in front of him after knowing him for a few hours. He jumped when a tray was gently pressed into his hands. "Thanks," he mumbled.

They made their way through the food line, Blaine getting grilled chicken and a roll, Kurt getting fruit salad and some chicken noodle soup. Both got diet sodas. Kurt reached for his wallet to pay for his food, but a warm hand closed around his elbow. "I'm buying you lunch, remember?" Blaine reminded with a lopsided smile. Before Kurt could protest, he'd handed the cahier a few bills. "Care to pick a table?" Kurt nodded and made a beeline for a small tabled tucked away near the doors. As he was sitting down, he watched Blaine trade the bottle of diet coke for a large bottle of water in his bag. At the strange look the younger gave him, he answered" The cokes' for the ride back."

"Oh," Kurt laughed. The two ate in silence. Kurt felt himself watching how Blaine ate. He would cut off a piece of chicken, chew it thoroughly, then swallow it with the aid of a gulp of water. After he had repeated this process enough to finish off the chicken and roll, he methodically and evenly drank the rest of the water. He quickly tore his eyes away from Blaine's mouth and finished off his soup and fruit. There was still twenty minutes till classes resumed.

"What time is Warblers today?" Kurt's voice surprised himself.

Blaine dropped his gaze. "At four. I'll be back in plenty of time."

"You didn't have to skip school just to help me," the brunet spoke more to the fruit syrup floating in his cup than to the boy across him.

Blaine chuckled. "I got Wes to cover for m. Say that I woke up with a migraine and was going to sleep it off. As far as the faculty knows, come practice, I'll have gotten some rest and food and be good as new." He winked and leaned forward to cover Kurt's hand with his own. "I'm glad to have helped." His face faltered, eyes turning dark and dropping to their hands. "Well, trying. " He withdrew his hand.

"You were better than I'd have been!" Kurt assured quickly. The older boy offered a condescending smile which made Kurt nervous. "What?"

""If I recall, **you** are the one who pushed him away from **me**. You're braver and stronger than you give yourself credit for."

Kurt furiously tried to fight down the blush that the praise brought on. "I don't think I'd drive two hours to help someone face a bully though," he offered with a coy smile.

Blaine looked back to his hands. "I told you before, Kurt. I ran. I'm not as strong as you think." Kurt opened his mouth to protest. "No. It's easy to act brave at Dalton. It's a bubble where no one can hurt you. But that's not the real world. This?" he gestured around the cafeteria where everyone was split into cliques, where the girls weren't eating, the hockey team was buying slushies, where everyone was on either the giving or receiving end of some kind of look – lust, jealousy, hate. "**This **is the real world. You have to fight here, just to survive." Blaine smirked. "You're much braver."

Kurt looked down to his hands, feeling heat rush to his face and not even trying to fight it. A darker hand crept over his again, and he let the warm fingers encircle his own, a smile tugging at his lips. "I think there's a difference between bravery and stubbornness," he quipped. At that, Blaine let out a … was that a giggle?

"True," the tenor conceded. "But you stood up to that meat-head when he shoved me. You just need to realize that _you_ are worth fighting for." He flashed a smile.

They sat in silence for a while, Kurt marveling that Blaine could make him smile despite the proceedings of the day. He let his eyes trail over the older boy's hands and arms, taking in the pale olive tone of his skin and the way his shoulders filled the blazer, before shyly meeting his gaze. Blaine watched him, eyes soft but guarded. He opened his mouth to speak again, but was cut off by the bell signaling the end of lunch. After the trilling stopped, Blaine dropped his gaze. "I… should get going."

"Yeah, okay." They stood, Blaine stacking their trays.

"He hesitated after tossing the trash and putting the trays in the return stack. "Would you mind telling me where the restroom is before you go?"

"Yeah, they're right outside that door," he pointed to the far corner of the cafeteria. "They boy's is on the left." He paused, expecting the other boy to look up, but he deliberately avoided Kurt's gaze. "Well… my class is the other way." Kurt gripped the strap of his messenger bag, eyebrows drawing together. "Thank you, again, for everything today."

"Like I said, I'm glad I could help," he finally met Kurt's gaze. "Please, never hesitate to call me. You're not alone. I'm here whenever you need me." They held each other's gaze, Kurt completely oblivious to the other students around them rushing to classes. Blaine cleared his throat, dropping his eyes again as he spoke. "You should hurry so you aren't late."

"Oh … right," Kurt breathed, shaking his head a little. "Hopefully, I'll see you soon, under better circumstances."

"Maybe a movie? Or at least a better lunch."

Kurt grinned. "Sounds good. Text me?" Blaine nodded without looking up. Kurt offered a weak wave then turned to join the throng of late students. When he reached the door, he glanced back at the older boy to find him chugging the diet coke he'd shoved into his bag as he headed toward the bathroom.

* * *

Kurt chewed his bottom lip as he remembered. He hadn't thought about the little details of that first lunch in a while, but now he thought about it, Blaine had acted strange. He'd learned over time that Blaine always ate like that – a bite of food followed by a swig of water, steadily drink a second glass of water, down a bottle of diet coke, got to the bathroom. If anyone commented on his eating habits, or if he had to ask where the restroom was, he would draw in on himself and avoid looking anyone in the face.

It was strange, but everyone had their quirks. Maybe it had something to do with his past? _Or maybe he's bulimic._ The thought surprised him. Blaine – dapper, charming, perfect Blaine – couldn't possibly be bulimic!

….

_Could _he?

Kurt glanced at his computer. Maybe a quick google search?

He pulled up Chrome and tapped his fingers on the keys, wondering how to word his query. After a few minutes, he gave up, closed his computer, and headed out the door. He would just **ask **Blaine, and undoubtedly be laughed at for worrying over nothing, maybe told that yes Blaine wanted to and was losing weight but was doing so in a perfectly safe and healthy way. Then, maybe, he could flirt a bit, telling Blaine he had a good body and didn't need to lose a pound.

A small smirk settled on his face as he raised his hand to knock on his friend's door – but he stopped with his knuckles mere centimeters from the polished oak. He could hear Blaine in the bathroom. _**Wretching.**_ For several minutes, Kurt stood there, frozen, listening until the toilet flushed and the taps were twisted on.

* * *

**A/N:** Once again **www . recoveryourlife . com** If you're struggling with an ED or with SI, or really anything, go to their forums.

Thank you for all the favorites/alerts and for the reviews! They encouraged me to write more.

Also: This _is_ ultimately a recovery fic.

There will be a happy ending. It'll just take some time. :)


	3. RYL

**Sorry this chapter took so long! I spent a while reworking where I wanted this chapter to go and then finally just started writing and let it take me where it took me. xD **

**Thank you to everyone for the faves/alerts! And especially thank you for your kind reviews. I promise I'm not going to go this long without updating again! **

**Without further ado, I give you chapter 3. :)**

* * *

Blaine stood from the toilet and flushed, wiping the back of his hand over his mouth. He grimaced when it came back with a warm, moist residue on it. Yanking on the faucets, he began to clean up, methodically scrubbing his hands with suds and warm water. He caught a glimpse of his reflection, frowning at the smears of his dinner on his chin and collar of his shirt.

He stripped off his blazer, tie, and uniform shirt, placing them in a neat pile on the edge of the sink after washing off residual mess. He turned toward the shower but caught sight of his bare torso in the mirror. A frown scrunched his face as he ran a thumb along his hip and stomach, watching the way his skin pulled. He pinched the soft flesh of his abdomen, frowning at the thickness of it. After three years, he really wished that it wasn't so thick. Sure there had been times when he hadn't been able to purge or had been so worried about getting caught that he hadn't purged it all, but he still thought he'd be lean by now. Maybe he should go back to soccer or at least work out with the team. He released his skin and twisted the shower handles.

Grey trousers were shucked and joined the pile of clothes before Blaine adjusted the water's temperature, shed his boxers, and stepped in. The warm spray soothed his tight muscles. He was always tense after eating. Sometimes the purging helped; today it had made it worse. The only other time purging had actually made him feel worse was the day he'd met Kurt. In fact, he didn't even purge at all that day. He'd gone to, but the idea made him tense – _nervous_. So, he had taken a shower and gone to bed.

The effect Kurt had on him had not gone unnoticed. Generally, it was easier to eat with Kurt around. He panicked less, could go longer without purging, and could purge less to achieve calm again.

Blaine let out a long, slow breath, ducking his head to let the water break apart the gel in his hair. He knew that he would be okay eventually, but he also realized he wasn't okay now. At first, he hadn't thought there was anything wrong with it, thought that it wasn't _actually _bulimia. But he didn't tell anyone because he knew that they would think it was and try to make him get help he didn't think he needed. Then he'd started googling ways to make sure he got everything back up and he'd been linked to a site with "pro-bulimia tips". He couldn't deny it then. That didn't mean there was anything wrong with it though.

But now he was starting to worry. He hadn't thought it would take this long to be satisfied with his weight and appearance and he was concerned about being able to stop when the time came. "I'll just cross that bridge when I get to it," he mumbled before finishing his shower.

He twisted the shower off and grabbed a towel to dry himself. Now clean, and clothed in sweats, he returned his salt to its drawer. Blaine had lucked up: his roommate was almost never in the room so never caught him purging. When he'd asked Blaine about the salt the first week they roomed together, he completely accepted that it was because Blaine was worried about an electrolyte imbalance from sweating so much during soccer.

Blaine flopped on his stomach onto his bed, trying to fight off the urge to go back into the bathroom and puke his guts out. He knew that there was nothing left but still felt uneasy. His eyes strayed to the bathroom door, looking where he kept his shaving kit in the far left corner. He'd never intentionally hurt himself before, but he'd heard that it helped calm you down. Something about releasing endorphins and giving you a natural high. "Just once," he breathed. "Just to see."

He shoved himself up and walked into the small bathroom again, hand hovering above his shaving kit. His heart raced. He could feel the blood coursing through him turn cold, not wanting to leave its safe track. He withdrew his hand as though it had been burned. '_No…. I'll try not purging tomorrow.'_

* * *

The door slammed shut behind Kurt as he entered his dorm. His heart raced. He gasped at shallow breaths. He couldn't manage a good lungful of air. He sat heavily on the bed, fumbled with his phone. His fingers refused to listen to his brain so he could unlock the damn thing. He finally realized that he was shaking.

"Breath, Kurt. Breathe," he reminded himself. He screwed his eyes shut, fisted his hands into his comforter, and sucked in as deep a breath as he could. After counting evenly to five, he forced out the breath in five more counts. He kept up this process (in for five counts, out for five counts, in five, out five, in…., out…..) until he felt his heart rate returning to normal and his muscles relaxing of their own accord.

"Okay, he's bulimic. You can deal with this. He probably needs help." '_Great, now you're talking to yourself.'_

Kurt wouldn't deny that he could understand some of what Blaine must be feeling. He'd had his own battle with an eating disorder last year shortly after sectionals. After researching the medical risks, he freaked out over how his father would react if he lost him. That hadn't been enough though. The final push that ended his anorexia was Mercedes' pep talk last year with the Cheerios before singing "Beautiful". But no one had ever confronted him about it, so he wasn't sure how to go about confronting Blaine.

"Google time," he muttered while his computer booted up. He quickly keyed in _how to confront a bulimic friend_. Skimming through the results, he saw a link to a forum. **Recover Your .** He hovered the mouse over the link for a moment, then clicked. A pale blue page popped up with a logo across the top. All the boxes and text were in various tints of blue and white with minimal black. The post loaded and was fairly short:

_hey im usually on the bully threads but my friend is bulimic and wont see a doctor. i was wondering if/how I should bring it up. im not good at confrontations :s_

The thread had four replies but Kurt didn't read them, figuring they wouldn't aid him. He clicked back to the main **ED Discussion **thread and scrolled through for a topic that sounded similar to his situation. After reaching the bottom of the fourth page, he leaned back in his chair. All the threads he'd clicked on had been concerning counseling confrontations or getting on the path to recovery. All of them already knew that their friend was struggling.

His eyes scanned the page for a log-in button and found it in the top right corner. Under the username/password boxes was a link that read _New member? _Kurt clicked the link. A window with several blank boxes popped up. The first requested a username, then a password, email address, etcetera. His long fingers clacked on the keyboard as he filled in the information, saving the screen name for last. After considering it for a few minutes, an idea struck him. All the information filled in, he clicked submit.

_Ping!_ One new email.

**Welcome to Recover Your Life, WarblerEnVogue**.

A strange excitement coursed through him as Kurt closed his email and clicked **New Topic** on the ED forums.

**Subject: Need help confronting a friend.**

Kurt noticed a pull-down menu labeled _warnings._ Out of curiosity, he clicked it. _Positive recovery post. Triggering (ED). Possibly triggering._ He hesitated. '_Better safe than sorry.'_ He highlighted the last choice, though he wasn't sure what it meant.

He tabbed to the content box and began typing.

_I don't know the proper etiquette for all this, so bear with me. I'm concerned that my friend is bulimic. He's been losing weight, which is what made me start worrying. I went to confront him about that and heard him throwing up (this was about 30 minutes after we'd had dinner)._

_What I want to know is how should I confront him? He tends to close off to people about personal topics but I want to help. Any sage advice?_

After rereading his post, Kurt clicked submit. He opened his trig book, deciding to get some homework done while he waited for a reply.

He finished the first set of problems and checked on his post. To his surprise, three people had already commented. He quickly read all of them.

**cheshirecat46**

I see you joined today so welcome to ryl. First your friend is lucky to have someone like you that cares. I'd suggest doing it at a neutral time (not near a meal). Make sure it's just the 2 of you! And just confront him about the weight first. Tell him your worried. if you can get him comfortable talking about that, then ask him about purging.

Good luck!

**jeremyhk**

confront him alone cuz it'll b easier 4 him. but b direct! try 2 phrase it so he cant find a loop hole. n don't get angry!

**Xsolorant**

Ches and Jeremy are both right. Definitely make sure it's just the two of you. Think of it from his PoV – someone knows his secret and it sounds like he doesn't share much. He's gonna be scared and maybe angry. And he'll probably try to leave but don't let him. Even if you have to sit in front of the door. If he's been purging for a long time, his reaction will probably be more intense. I advise to tell him what you know. Don't _ask_ him. Tell him what you think and why.

Most importantly: make sure he knows you won't abandon him because of this!

Good luck. PM me if you have any other questions. And let us know how it goes. :)

Kurt rubbed at his eyes, feeling them prickle. He hadn't expected that kind of response. He clicked on Xsolorant's name and was taken to the profile. A small window popped up in the center of his internet browser telling him that he had a private message from Xsolorant. He clicked it open.

Just clarifying: Don't let him leave but don't get violent or physical with him if he does. Passive aggressive works better. And try not to get angry. Be forceful. If you do get angry, tell him how worried you are.

**Xsolo**

Thanks. I don't know how long he's been bulimic. I've only known him for a few months but I realized that he's always had the same routine concerning meals. He always goes to the bathroom after eating. We never hang out right after meals. It's always an hour or so later.

Should I tell one of his older friends?

**Warbler**

_No!_ You need to be the one to talk to him. Maybe they know anyway? But it'd hurt him if you told someone else. And yeah he's probably been doing it for a while then. Look out for signs of SI.

**Xsolo**

Good point.

What's SI?

**Warbler**

Self injury – cutting, burning, biting, etc.

**Xsolo**

Oh sweet teapot dwarf I hadn't thought about that!

**Warbler**

It's not uncommon or them to go hand-in-hand. Can ou think of any reason for him to feel some kind of self hate beyond body issues?

Also – teapot dwarf? Guessing you aren't religious. lol

**Xsolo**

Kurt hesitated with his next reply. He'd never been one to reach out on the internet. How would this cyber-stranger react?

He and I are both gay.

**Warbler**

Oh. Unfortunately self hate is really common in the gay community. Though you probably know that.

And that would explain the teapot dwarf. Don't blame you.

**Xsolo**

As long as I've known him, he's been out and proud. First week we knew each other, he helped me confront a closeted bully.

**Warbler**

Doesn't mean he's not putting up a front. Regardless, there's gotta be a deeper psychological reason. May not make sense to you, but emotional disorders aren't very logical, and there's a good chance this is as much an emotional disorder as an eating disorder.

**Xsolo**

Okay. I'll keep that in mind. Thanks for all your help.

**Warbler**

_knock knock!_ "Hey, Kurt!" Blaine's voice greeted.

"Just a second!"

Well good luck. Let me know it goes, kay? I'll be making sacrifices to the teapot dwarf for you. ;P

**Xsolo**

Kurt quickly logged out of his computer and closed it before walking to the door. A deep breath and he wrenched it open. Blaine stood in the doorway, a small smile on his lips. "Hey," Kurt stepped to one side. "Come in."

The shorter of the boys walked into the room and turned to lean his backside on the top of the desk. "So, I was wondering if you wanted to go to a movie with me Friday night." His voice raised in pitch at the end, turning the statement into a question.

"What movie?" Kurt spoke over the click of his door lock.

"Now don't laugh—" Kurt cut him off with a raised eyebrow. "The King's Speech."

Kurt couldn't prevent the scoff. "You just want to ogle Colin Firth because you have some reverse-Lolita complex."

"You know me well." Blaine grinned. "So you gonna join me?" He pressed his palms firmly onto the desktop to push his torso forward. One triangular eyebrow was raised, but Kurt refused to meet his eyes.

A tense silence settled over them. Blaine shifted his center of gravity back to his rump on the desktop and drew his brows together in worry at the lack of response.

Kurt took a deep breath and slowly walked over to his friend, stopping just inside arm's reach. "You're my best friend, Blaine," he said while reaching his right hand out, palm down. He kept his gaze on the stings of the other's hoodie.

Blaine quickly responded, grabbing hold of Kurt's outstretched right hand with his own and pulling him closer with an easy smile. "Well good, 'cause you're mine too."

"Then, can I ask you something?"

"Of course," his voice dropped to just more than a whisper. Kurt was close enough now to smell the mint of his toothpaste.

In an act of bravery he wasn't feeling, Kurt slid his fingers through Blaine's darker ones. He took a moment to marvel in the contrast of their hands. Not just the color – but the texture and size. Blaine's hands were large and square, rough with calluses where Kurt's were slender and oval, soft from his nightly moisture routine.

"You can ask me anything, Kurt," Blaine prompted after a moment of silence.

_Nobody pushes the Hummels around._ He heard his dad's voice encouraging him. Kurt's eyes slid up Blaine's arms and shoulders, not quite big enough to fill out the sweatshirt properly, and finally met his friend's gaze. "How long have you been bulimic?"

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**http : / www . recoveryourlife . com**

**I apologize for the cliffhanger but it seemed like too good of a place to stop! But you'll get the full confrontation in the next chapter, dearies. :) And besides, with no new glee on Tuesday, I'll have nothing else to do for an hour but write! xD**


	4. How long? Author's Note at bottom

**THIS CHAPTER CONTENT IS 1,234 WORDS! WIN. Just thought I'd share that real fast. :)**

**Also, I'm currently in DC for the first half of my spring break so don't know when I'll get the next chapter up. BUT be on the look out for a collab from me and minerva56, who is also on the trip with me. **

**Now, onto what you guys really want.**

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"How long have you been bulimic?"

All the warmth in Blaine's body rushed down his face, up his arms, down his chest, and into the pit of his stomach, rocking dangerously. He went completely lax, fingers dangling limply in Kurt's grasp. He felt Kurt tighten his grip and pull him closer. Those glasz eyes were looking at him, obviously expecting some kind of a response.

All that Blaine could manage was a spluttering "What – what are you …. I mean—!"

"I heard you earlier, Blaine," he said calmly. His free hand trailed up Blaine's arm. The contact burned; the pressure on his fingers strong. Blaine dropped his head, letting his eyes settle on their still entwined hands. His olive skin was too pale, and Kurt's porcelain was too flushed. "Please, Blaine."

Blaine kept his eyes focused on their hands, paying attention to every little twitch and counting the pulses he could feel. When he spoke, he kept his voice level, but there was a hard edge he hadn't intended on. "I don't know what you're talking about." He didn't respond when Kurt took hold of his other hand as well.

"You drink too much water—"

"To keep my skin hydrated!" Blaine interrupted.

For his trouble, he was given the patented Hummel bitch!face. "So why's your face always red and irritated?"

_Shit!_

"Id' buy that if you were guzzling water all the time, but it's only during meals. Then you chug a diet coke and go to the bathroom."

"So I drink soda _after_ eating then need to pee! What's wrong with that?" Blaine could feel his temper flaring and fought to calm down. Being defensive makes you more suspicious.

Kurt ducked his head to try to look into Blaine's eyes. "I'm not asking you to admit it, Blaine. I'm tell you I know!" he pleaded. For what, Blaine wasn't sure, but he couldn't deny that through the yelling, Kurt was pleading with him.

Blaine pulled his hands free from the countertenor's grasp. "I don't know what you're talking about!" Blaine snapped.

Kurt reached out to grab Blaine's sleeve. "Please. I know you do, Blaine." The older boy pulled away again, turning from his friend, his blood finally flowing again – so fast it burned his veins. "I just want to help you get better."

"I have nothing to get better from!"

The brunet backed up against the door, getting out of Blaine's reach – just in case. "You're bulimic. You still haven't truly denied that," he spoke reasonably. Blaine refused to look at him again, For lack of anything else to do, Kurt kept talking. "This isn't healthy, Blaine. It's okay to be unhappy with what you see in the mirror – most people are! But this isn't the right way to go about it." Glasz eyes stayed trained on Blaine, looking for any sign that his words were getting through.

Though Blaine still kept his back to Kurt, his shoulders were relaxing. He spread his palms flat on the desk and leaned onto them. A low hum vibrated through his throat, assuring the countertenor that he was listening.

"I don't understand why you wouldn't like it, but obviously we don't see the same thing. But starving yourself? Especially this way? How the hell will that help? It's damaging your body!"

"I know the risks, Kurt." Blaine's voice startled him. "I've taken them into consideration. I can take care of myself."

Kurt couldn't stop the scoff and eyeroll. "Oh, my apologies for thinking that purging everything you eat is unhealthy," he quipped just loud enough for Blaine to hear.

The hollow laugh that ripped from his throat surprised both boys.. Blaine dropped his head as another laugh caught. He tried to suppress it, but that only encouraged more laughing to surface.

Kurt raised an eyebrow, mouth hanging open just a bit. "Blaine, this isn't funny!" He pushed off the door and made towards his friend.

"Sorry!" The tenor managed to choke out in a watery voice. He reached a hand up and swiped it across his face.

A jolt went through Kurt's heart. He gravitated to the other's side, taking in the subtle shake of his shoulders. "Hey…." he spread a warm hand ont eh small of Blaine's back. "Why are you crying?" The muscles under his hand tensed as the boy took a shaky breath.

"Nothing." Though his voice was thick from crying, it was once again hollow and defensive. "Don't forget Warblers is at four instead of five tomorrow." He shrugged out of Kurt's touch and made for the door.

_ 'Don't let him leave….'_

"Is Warblers what's making you do this?" True, a reach at a reason. But he figured it would at the least slow him down.

Blaine turned towards him, face drawn up in confusion. "What?"

"Do you think your position is threatened and being thinner will keep you as frontman?"

The brown-eyed boy dropped his head a fraction and shook it in incredulity. "Kurt, that's insane."

His back went rigid, defenses up. "You're talking to the boy who wore flannel, sang Mellencamp, and dated Brittany for a week so his father wouldn't replace him with a straight version. So no, it's not insane." Kurt saw a broken smile flit across Blaine's face.

_'…try not to get angry.' _

Kurt moved between his friend and the door.

"I'm not mad," he whispered.

"And I'm not stupid." His voice lacked any traces of anger. Instead he sounded…. defeated? Blaine stepped back and turned to face the wall, but not quite turning his back to Kurt.

"What does that mean?" Kurt stepped forward again, angling himself so he could see more of Blaine's face than just his profile but could still block the door.

"I know what I'm doing." Hazel eyes slid to glance at the other boy.

Kurt huffed and mumbled "Because that makes everything okay."

"I think you'd be easier to deal with if you were mad," Blaine said softly, lips twitching up.

Feeling he'd made a small victory, Kurt bumped his shoulder against Blaine's "Obviously you haven't seen me properly angry before."

The two boys stood together in quiet for a moment, neither completely sure how much had been said and still remained to say. The silence weighed heavily around them, too strong for either to feel brave enough to break it. Kurt shifted, accidently brushing his fingers against the back of Blaine's hand, which twitched in response. Kurt glanced sidelong at his friend, hoping to catch his eyes, but Blaine was staring pointedly down.

Finally, "No, it's not the warblers."

Kurt dropped his gaze back to his feet. "The what is it?"

The reply was barely audible. "I don't know, Kurt. I just want to fix what I see in the mirror."

"This isn't the right way," he chided. Blaine simply shrugged in response. "What can I do to help you get better?"

When Blaine remained silent, he chanced a glance at the older boy. He was worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. His eyebrows were drawn together. "Blaine?" he prompted.

"I don't want to get better yet."

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**http : / www . recoveryourlife . com**

**Please go there if you're struggling with anything, even just the seemingly trivial aspects of life, but especially if you have an ED or are struggling with SI or bullies. Everyone there is wonderful and so ready to help.**

**EDIT (April 8, 2011) : Sorry I haven't updated in almost a month but I'm trying to pull my grades up. I have chapter 5 about half done and I promise to have it up before Night of Neglect airs on the 19th! There's been a lot on my plate lately that kinda pushed this to the back burner. I'm really sorry. I'm not abandoning this story. It means too much to me to leave it unfinished. I have it planned out where I want it to go, so hopefully once I get back into the swing of writing this it will move faster. **

**Also, feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to. A few people have. I love to talk to people and listen to people. I hope all of you are well and I promise to update soon. 3**


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